“Why don't you dress more like your sister?”: Mom defends 11-year-old daughter against scathing comments from family members for wearing tube tops, they pit her against older sister's more modest fashion style

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Apr 5, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

In the summer, it's hot; so, it makes sense to want to want to wear less. That is why one might choose to don shorts, tank tops, and tube tops. Now, there are times where this type of dress might be inappropriate – even in the summer. But 90% of the time, wearing summer clothes should be okay for all ages. Of course, shorts meant for adult women are very different from the styles sold to young girls. Shorts sold in the main area of Forever21 might be more form-fitting than those sold in their kids' section. However, it is really up to the parent to decide what is appropraite for their child and what isn't.

In our story today, a mom finds herself defending her daughter's decision to wear tube tops. Her family not only disparages the young girl for her fashion choices, but pits her against her sister with a more "preppy" style. Scroll down for all the details.

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  • 01

    AITA for Letting My 11-Year-Old (Almost 12) Daughter Wear Tube Tops Instead of Dressing Like Her Older Sister?

    Cheezburger Image 10489675008
    via Beatriz Braga from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    So, my daughter is 11 (turning 12 soon), and she's recently gotten really into fashion. She loves picking out her own outfits, and lately, she's been obsessed with tube tops. She sees them as trendy, a lot of her friends wear them, and she feels confident in them. I don't see the big deal-it's just clothing, and if she's comfortable, I don't think it's inappropriate.
    via u/NewImprovement9804
  • 03
    Well, my sister saw her wearing one the other day and immediately lost it. She told me I was being irresponsible for letting my daughter wear something "too grown up" and that I should be teaching her to "dress more modestly." Then, my mom joined in, agreeing that tube tops are inappropriate for an 11-year-old.
    via u/NewImprovement9804
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10489680640
    via SOK-STUDIO

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • When I was growing up in the 2000s, tube tops were pretty popular amongst elementary-aged girls. I never really liked them because to keep them from falling, they were usually made with really tight elastic around the top that I always found really itchy. 

  • 05
    But instead of just saying they don't like tube tops, they started comparing her to her older sister, who dresses in what they call an "old money" style-lots of Ralph Lauren, blazers, pleated skirts, very classic
    via u/NewImprovement9804
  • 06
    and preppy. Now my mom's side of the family keeps making comments to my daughter, saying things like, "Why don't you dress more like your sister? She looks so classy and elegant."
    via u/NewImprovement9804
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10489680896
    via corelens

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    My daughter feels really frustrated and judged. She just wants to express herself in a way that makes her happy, and I don't think it's fair for them to pressure her into dressing a certain way just because they prefer it. I let her wear what she feels comfortable in as long as it's appropriate for the situation.
    via u/NewImprovement9804
  • 09
    AITA for letting my daughter dress in her own style instead of forcing her to dress like her older sister?
    via u/NewImprovement9804
  • 10
    badtowergirl My best friend at age 10 wore a tube top with "you light up my life" in sparkly writing with butterflies and it's still the coolest top I've ever seen.
    via u/badtowergirl
  • 11
    SupportStandard6918 I'd wear that now.
    via u/SupportStandard6918
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10489681152
    via Nicolas Menijes

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    Wanda_McMimzy I remember wearing tube tops at that age in the 80s. They are just being elitists. NTA.
    via u/Wanda_McMimzy
  • 14
    Mommabroyles Right everyone acting like this is some new thing. 70s/80s even the 90s were all about rocking tube tops.
    via u/Mommabroyles
  • 15
    Significant_Shoe_17 I wore them in the 00s. Kids have always worn tube tops, halters, and tanks in the summer.
    via u/Significant_Shoe_17

  • Funny how things come back in style every decade – especially something as ubiquitous as a tube top! It's a summer staple.

  • 16
    pothosnswords I exclusively lived in Justice & Limited Too tank tops & skorts in elementary school. With the occasional halter of course! Then tube tops from Wet Seal and graphic tees from Delia's in middle school! I felt soooo fashionable when I wore my tube top omg I felt unstoppable
    via u/pothosnswords
  • 17
    Cloverose2 If they're saying this, you, as the mother and adult, need to step in and tell them to knock that sh off. It is your call, not theirs. Don't let them compare your daughters they're saying the older daughter looks classy and elegant, so what does that imply about. your eleven-year-old? -
    via u/Cloverose2
  • 18
    You're NTA for letting her find her own style, but Y W BTA if you don't get stern with your relatives about stopping their comments. Little jabs like that can do a lot of damage to self-esteem and self- image.
    via u/
  • 19
    goatbusiness666 Amen! It was bad enough that they brought it up to OP, but making comments to the actual kid is beyond the pale. I'd be telling them that if they said one more word to my daughter about her clothing choices or compared her negatively to her sister for ANY reason they wouldn't be seeing either one of them anymore.
    via u/
  • 20
    Significant_Shoe_17 This right here. My sister and I were the only granddaughters in our family, and naturally, the aunts who only had sons had to chime in on everything. Comparing sisters is damaging to their self-esteem and their relationship with each other.
    via u/Significant_Shoe_17
  • 21
    goatbusiness666 Honestly I shouldn't even have said "negatively" there, because they shouldn't be comparing them in any way, period!
    via u/goatbusiness666
  • 22
    lapsteelguitar This is between you & your daughter. Nobody else. NTA
    via u/lapsteelguitar
  • 23
    INSTA-R-MAN NTA! I grew up with tube tops and short shorts being the things to wear. Anyone saying it's inappropriate needs to be watched along with anyone around them that's looking too long at the people wearing them, especially if the wearer is not an adult.
    via u/INSTA-R-MAN
  • 24
    Psupernova NTA! As long as she is comfortable in them and you are ok with what she is wearing- that is what matters. Tell the family if they continue to criticize her clothing, that they don't get to spend time with her
    via u/Psupernova
  • 25
    blahisback NTA. I don't think it's appropriate for your family members to insert their two cents about how she dresses. I would tell my mom and sister that they need to keep their opinions to themselves or they will not be allowed around my daughter anymore.
    via u/blahisback
  • 26
    Apart-Dragonfly8540 What kids do one year may not be what they do the next year. My daughter wore horrible black eyeliner all around her eyes in 8th grade. She dyed her hair burgundy. She wore a self tanner three shades too dark. I did not say a word. She grew out of these habits. Tube tops are okay. Commenting on your daughter's clothing and comparing sisters is absolutely not okay. Tell your family to cork it.
    via u/Apart-Dragonfly8540

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family drama fashion Female Empowerment sisters siblings motherhood relationships raising teens motherdaughter family sister daughter raising kids mom
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